My Story
A Dad Without Footsteps
A father torn by the sudden absence of his son, navigating heartbreak and hope. Through raw emotions, stories, and memories, I share the journey of love, loss, and the desire for reunion.
When You Left Without Saying Goodbye
A Father’s Heartfelt Journey
A sincere letter from a father to his son, capturing his deep feelings, struggles, and hope after a painful separation, written as an emotional letter after his child left unexpectedly.
Understanding Family Conflicts
A simple and compassionate explanation of how unhealed emotional wounds from the past (childhood trauma) can affect adult relationships and behaviors, causing pain and confusion within families.
Hope, Healing, and Understanding
Insights into recognizing emotional challenges and finding ways toward healing, forgiveness, and understanding. Guidance inspired by research and experts
Sometimes, the saddest thing isn’t when someone says goodbye—it’s when they don’t say anything at all. Now, our house feels quiet and empty, like it’s missing something very important. That something is you. Maybe you’re wondering about what happened and why things have become so different lately. I want to explain this in the simplest way I can, just between you and me, so you can always come back to these words whenever you need.
How I'm Feeling Right Now
I miss you a lot, champ—more than I could ever explain. Every time I see your toys, your iPad, your keyboard or your stuff by the door, my heart feels very heavy. It’s like someone took away my best friend. You know, I was always happiest when we spent time together, laughing, playing, and learning at the soccer academy. I loved seeing you with your friends, scoring goals, and smiling big. Those were the best days, weren’t they?
I remember the days we spent together clearly:
Rushing through lunch, trying not to be late.
Picking up soccer shoes from the floor.
Spending afternoons at soccer practice, watching you score goals.
Those were our moments—special, pure, just yours and mine. I cherished every minute we spent together, watching you grow, learn, and become such a wonderful little person.
I thought our days would continue like this forever. I believed that no matter what problems your mom and I had, we’d find a way to keep you happy, safe, and surrounded by love. But life isn’t always so simple, and sometimes things become complicated, even though we wish they wouldn’t.
How It All Started – The Things You Didn’t Know
There were times you probably saw your mom and me arguing and felt scared or confused. I want you to understand something important—it was never about you. It wasn’t your fault. Adults have problems that sometimes they can’t solve easily.
Your mom often seemed angry and unhappy, and she used to say things that made me feel hurt. She’d tell you stories that weren’t really true, especially about your grandmother. Remember how you slowly stopped talking to Gagun, even though you loved her so much before? That made Gagun very sad, and it made me sad too, because I could see how much you were hurting by staying away from someone who loved you deeply.
What I Didn't Tell You
I stayed quiet about a lot of things because I wanted to protect you. I thought being quiet was better, but I didn’t know it could hurt us both. Your mom started saying unkind things about your grandmother and me. She made stories up, and you started believing them because children trust their parents. Slowly, you stopped talking to your grandmother, even though she loves you very much.
I saw you getting confused and sad, but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you caught in the middle. But your mom took my silence as a sign she could continue.
Why Adults Sometimes Behave This Way (Something Important to Understand)
People, even adults, sometimes act in ways that hurt others because deep inside, they themselves are hurt. Maybe your mom had sadness or pain from when she was young, something she never shared or healed. Doctors and experts call this type of pain “childhood trauma.” It’s like having an invisible wound inside that never heals, and it affects how someone behaves later in life.
Your mom might be carrying such hidden feelings, perhaps from when she was a little girl. Maybe:
- She didn’t feel loved enough.
She felt scared someone she loved would leave her.
Or she felt alone and not understood by people who cared about her.
The Moment I Lost Control
There was one night I’ll always regret. Your mom and grandma were arguing, and I tried very hard to stop them. But they didn’t listen, and something inside me snapped—I felt helpless and angry at everything your mom had done to hurt me. I went into the kitchen and threw everything from the shelves onto the floor. It was very wrong, and I shouldn’t have done it. But that anger wasn’t just about that night—it was because I felt sad, hurt, and betrayed by someone I loved so deeply and she has betrayed that trust twice.
The next day, your mom showed you pictures of what I’d done. It must have scared you a lot. She made it seem like I was always angry, even though you know how hard I tried to always be kind and patient with you.
How Things Changed After That Night
After that, your mom packed all your things and took you away when I was home. She didn’t let us say goodbye or even talk about what happened. For a whole month, there was silence. It felt like the longest month of my life. I kept thinking you’d call, or your mom would let me see you—but there was nothing.
When your birthday was coming closer, I reached out to her. I wanted you to have a happy day, despite everything that happened. But instead, you sent me a voice message saying you didn’t want to see me anymore because I had hurt you and your mom.
Then, at the very end of that message, you whispered, “I’ve said what you told me to say, Mom.”
That moment broke my heart again, but also made me realize something very important: you didn’t really mean those painful words. You said them because your mom wanted you to, because you loved her and didn’t want to disappoint her. I understood then that your heart was just trying to keep everyone happy, even if it hurt you to do it.
What Really Happened
Your mom had planned everything carefully:
She packed your things secretly.
She hid important papers like your birth certificate.
- She stopped talking to me, hoping I’d tell her to leave, so it would look like my idea.
When she finally came back to get your things, she brought her family. They all knew what was happening, but I didn’t.
Understanding What Happened (In Simple Terms)
Sometimes, people say things that aren’t true because they want someone else to feel bad. Your mom used something called “gaslighting,” which means telling someone things that make them confused or unsure about what’s true.
Another thing she did is called “parental alienation,” meaning she tried to make you stop loving someone you care about by saying bad things about them.
Signs to Notice (What Happened to Us):
You started believing things your mom said without asking if they were true.
You stopped liking people you used to love, like your grandmother and me.
- You said things your mom wanted you to say, even if they weren’t true.
My Biggest Realization (The Turning Point)
When your mom finally came to take her belongings, I saw that she had already packed them a month earlier. It hit me suddenly—she planned to leave all along, but wanted me to be the one who asked her to go. That way, she could say it was my decision, not hers. I realized how carefully she had planned this, how patiently she’d waited, knowing how close we were, and knowing exactly how to make me hurt the most—by taking you away.
This is something people do sometimes, Vivan, when they’re afraid to face their own mistakes. Experts call this kind of behavior “narcissistic”—it means blaming others for your own mistakes, so you don’t have to face them yourself. Your mom might not even know she does this, because sometimes people do these things without realizing the damage they’re causing.
What I Learned from All This (My Resolution)
Through all this sadness, anger, and pain, I learned a valuable lesson, Vivan:
- Love sometimes means letting go, even when it hurts.
- You cannot control other people’s actions, only your own.
- You have to forgive yourself and others to find peace, even if they never apologize.
And most importantly, I learned that none of this was your fault. You are a wonderful, kind, and smart boy. Adults sometimes make bad decisions, but that never means it’s your fault.
My Promise to You (The Resolution)
I promise you this, Vivan—I’ll never stop loving you or waiting for you. I’ll always be here, arms wide open, ready for the day you feel ready to talk again. I will wait patiently, and I will never, ever blame you for anything.
I will carry the beautiful memories we created—the soccer games, your smiles, your laughter—in my heart forever.
If someday you wonder about me or miss me, just know I’ll be right here, loving you as much as I did the day you were born.
A Special Message Just for You
Always remember these words, my dear son:
“No matter how far apart we are, you’re always in my heart. Distance can’t change how much I love you. You’re my son, my joy, my greatest pride—and nothing, absolutely nothing, can change that.”
A Sneak Peek into My Upcoming Book
Excitingly, I’m currently writing a book aimed at helping parents teach mathematics through play. This book will feature innovative strategies and playful techniques, rooted in proven research, enabling parents to foster early mathematical skills effortlessly and joyfully.
Highlights of the Book:
Play-based learning strategies for math.
Practical examples using everyday household items.
Step-by-step guides to transform playtime into productive learning.
Stay tuned for updates—I’m excited to share this valuable resource soon!
For Other Parents Who Might Understand
If you’re reading this and feel trapped in similar pain or confusion, please know you’re not alone. Understanding and healing emotional wounds, especially those from childhood, can help you find peace. The research by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk in his book “The Body Keeps the Score” and assessments like the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) questionnaire can help identify these wounds and lead toward healing.
🙏 Join Me in Spreading Awareness
If my words resonated deeply with your heart, please help me amplify this message. Parental Alienation isn’t just my story—it’s the silent suffering of countless fathers and children. Your support can shine a light in this darkness, bringing awareness, healing, and hope.
Follow me on my social media platforms below, where we can stand united, share stories, and provide strength to those silently enduring similar heartbreaks.
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Together, we can ensure no father or child suffers in silence. Your voice and support truly matter. Share this message, start conversations, and help heal hearts that ache in silence.
Thank you from the deepest part of my soul. 🌟